BTS: UNAPOLOGETIC

I'm going to start doing features about the "Behind The Scenes" in making my songs. Something I have prided myself on is being able to write from a real place based on real experiences, and my goal has always been to turn that into something people can relate to. Whether it pertains to relationships, life, professional or personal goals, I wanted people to listen and feel a chord struck.

"Unapologetic", which will be released on April 6th, 2018, is one of my favorites I have ever written. It is probably the only successful song I have written that was not about or inspired by another person - this one I wrote purely for me. The idea behind "Unapologetic" came while riding the bus in Chicago back to my apartment after work. I was so exhausted and fed up with living each unfulfilled day over and over again - never moving forward, and not doing what I loved. All I thought about writing, recording, and performing... traveling, experiencing, and living... and I simply wasn't doing that. I didn't blame my job, or my coworkers - I blamed the fact that when I chose that path, I was in a completely different headspace. I wasn't ready to give up messing around, being a kid... and not that I grew into an adult overnight, because I definitely haven't... but I decided that I was done living the 4 years I lived in college on repeat, and doing a job I wasn't passionate about just to be able to pay my rent and go to happy hours with my buddies. 

I was sitting on the bus in sub-zero degree weather, but my skin was burning and my face was hot. I was seconds away from bursting into tears and feeling sorry for myself, but instead, I took a deep breath, turned up my music, whipped out my Notes app on my phone and just started typing. They weren't lyrics, it wasn't a poem, it wasn't meant to rhyme, and it wasn't even long... but it was everything I was feeling. 

This was the note:

I stared at that note all night... occasionally adding words here and there... until finally I fell asleep, after reading it over and over again, with my phone in my hand.

It was then that I started seriously reconsidering my path, and two weeks later, I quit my job.

I’ll never apologize for chasing all I’ve ever wanted. I’d rather go down in flames than play it safe and end up haunted.

From that note, the idea for "Unapologetic" grew. I wanted to write a song about how it doesn't matter what people think; what's important is to be yourself and stay true to what you believe. It felt very relevant, not only to me, but it mirrored so much of what's been happening in our world - various sociopolitical movements and otherwise. It felt like the perfect time for what I viewed as an anthem to myself and all people. 

It was the first time I've written a song after titling it. Usually what I write as the hook becomes the title naturally, so that was a personal challenge, but it came together beautifully. It's different than the other songs I've released. It's much more of a piano ballad, which is traditionally what I have always written, so it was exciting for me to get back to my roots. However, elements on the electronic-based songs I've released still snuck their way in there. You always run the risk of losing your audience when you change styles, but I'm hoping this song speaks to people in a different way and shows a more raw, emotional side of my songwriting and my person. 

They may call me pathetic but they don’t understand, I’m unapologetic about who I am.

"Unapologetic" will be released as a single on April 6, 2018.